I'm not sure what is was about 2009, but there was a large part of the year where I didn't feel like me. Due in part to all the changes going on, I was a mess. The smallest things would stress me out beyond what I could handle. I was often in tears and yelled at my children far more than they deserved. In the last few weeks, even with the holidays, I have been working hard to make things better.
Wil and I spent hours this weekend working on the chaos that had become our bedroom. The kind of mess that makes you cringe as you walk past. It's been horrible wanting that room to be a sanctuary but dreading having to go in there even just to sleep.
On top of all the cleaning, we've been making an effort to be social. On New Year's we invited over a few other families from our ward in the hopes of making some new friends. It was great. I cleaned the house, while Zee got dinner ready. Wil pitched in when he got home from work. After both boys had naps, they were well behaved (I'm pretending the nightmare before naptime didn't happen). We had a great time. The house even stayed relatively clean the rest of the weekend, so much so that we were able to have friends over for dinner after church with little stress.
Tonight, I was walking past my bedroom, I realized that I felt like me again... and I really like it. Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, like my very own space. I don't feel as stretched to my limit... there's breathing room again.
I don't know what 2010 holds for us, but I do know that I'm starting it out in a good place.
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