I really should be working....

Last Tuesday, I had a meeting at Hospice with my former boss. Back in November she had mentioned creating a new part time position that she would like me to fill, but there wasn’t much detail or further discussion until last week. It went a bit like this, “Here are the job details. Can you start on Friday? Here’s your paperwork.” I’m still reeling from the shock… Not the shock at getting hired, but at how quickly everything moved. It’s definitely a blessing to have that extra money coming in. It’s also a huge learning curve, so to speak.

When I was working after Little Man was born, it was mainly from home… this had it’s benefits, since I didn’t have to find daycare. It also meant that sometimes I was still working at 10 o’clock at night. Now I have to learn how to find the balance.

This morning was the first time I’ve had to be up, out of the house looking “professional” and have the boys to the babysitter (even if she is just downstairs). It was a disaster. I cried when I got to work. There were temper tantrums, time outs, a diaper so full that Bug’s clothes were wet up to his chin and a loss of water pressure in the shower, requiring me to rinse my hair in the sink.

I feel like a bad mom. A really bad mom.

Not because I have to be at work, but because I had no patience. I yelled. I spanked. And Bubs was in his crib, asleep in wet clothes for a couple hours….and I had no idea.

I know it will get better. I also know that some days will be worse. I am truly amazed by women who do this everyday.